Tuesday, October 4, 2016

Greenspace: A Neighborhood Story

Dichotomy: noun  di·chot·o·my \dī-ˈkä-tə-mē also də-\ : a difference between two opposite things : a division into two opposite groups. (source: http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/dichotomy)


My neighborhood is unusual.
I don’t mean that I live on probably the only street in my city that has two published authors as next door neighbors (sorry, just had to throw that in there!). No, my neighborhood is an unusual one in that it has a very interesting, dichotomous nature.
My own street is a quiet one. Generally older people reside here. Even the young people who rent houses are temperate, well-mannered, and hard-working college students. Tires hum along in a pleasant rhythm along the brick pavement. The narrow sidewalks are cracked in places, yet are still walkable. The houses here are a bit worn, but generally still solid. Even the one unoccupied home on the block, two doors down from mine, has been nicely kept up.
I can walk just a block or two to the west and see houses that are falling into more aggressive states of disrepair. A number of houses even have the telltale condemned sign on the door. There are even a number of empty plots where homes once stood, victims of decades of neglectful owners and tenants or, in at least one case, fire. People often while the time away by sitting on their porches, drinking cans of beer, smoking, or merely watching whoever or whatever passes on by.

One street, about four blocks west of my home, stands out. There is a house, perched on a small hill at one end of the block, that looks as if it might topple over in a harsh crosswind. The pillars supporting the porch roof lean slightly to one side. The exterior badly needs a paint job, the roof is missing more than a few shingles, and an upstairs window has been replaced by a vintage 7-Up sign.
Then there is a home at the other end of the block, a large and well-maintained Victorian, newly and artfully painted. The owners have a sizable, nicely landscaped lot that includes an elegant gazebo tucked neatly into a corner; all within the confines of a wrought-iron fence.
Typically though, when my son and I go for one of our frequent walks, we head east. We cross the street, pass by a hospice/ acute care facility and take a shortcut that involves a well-worn path and a gap in an aging chain link fence. A couple more blocks east and we find ourselves on the campus of Augustana College.
Augustana is a private, liberal arts college that boasts an enrollment of around 2,500 students. The campus is known for its beauty. It is 115 partially wooded acres, with a long path that runs through said woods and along a natural slough. The quadrangle at the heart of the campus is a crisscross of sidewalks that issue from the main academic buildings, themselves a mix of old architecture and modern construction.
I enjoy walking around campus, and not just for its aesthetic appeal. There is much to be said for soaking up a bit of the energy of ambitious, goal-oriented young people, all of whom have hope that they are at the cusp of amazing things (and many of them, I suspect, eventually will do amazing things).


My own street had a somewhat different tenor just a couple years ago.
There was a house, about five doors down from mine, that from the outside straddled the very fine line between worn/ weathered and about to be condemned/ potentially dangerous. Two middle-aged brothers lived there along with their elderly mother. I never got the impression that any of them held a job… in fact, I later learned that one of the brothers had been to prison on drug-related charges. They had both been busted for dumping mysteriously acquired car tires into a nearby rural river. I think they actually subsisted on some sort of black market tire trade, thus accounting for the stacks of them outside of their garage.
Mom and the brothers were abruptly and forcibly evicted from their home for non-payment of their mortgage. The house sat abandoned for a month or two. Myself and another neighbor cleaned up the broken glass and other garbage. Someone else arranged for the stack of tires to be carted away and recycled.
Not long after, I learned that Ray and Carol, the owners of the house next door, were preparing to buy the property. I assumed that the couple (a retired police officer and wife, a semi-retired hairdresser) would restore the house and rent it out to college students. That was similar to their own plan, but unfortunately the condition of the house was so poor that it was beyond repair. They chose instead to demolish the house and create a greenspace for their grandchildren.
Ray invited both myself and my fellow-author-next-door-neighbor for a quick tour the night prior to the bulldozer’s arrival. The first thing I noticed upon stepping inside was the smell, a cocktail of mildew, tobacco, over-used cooking grease, and a few other scents that were harder to identify and I preferred to not think about. It was just about dusk, so the only light was a burnt-orange cast courtesy of the beginning of that evening’s sunset. There was no carpet and no furniture, so our voices echoed ever so slightly.
There were holes in walls, in the floor, in ceilings. The wallpaper (what there was of it) was ripped and/ or stained. Windows were cracked and screens were torn.
“Man, you really tore this place up,” I said to Ray.
“Nah,” he said, shaking his head. “I took a couple doorknobs, that’s it.”
The kitchen sink was covered in an alarmingly thick layer of grime and the stovetop was splattered with food, likely the result of a spaghetti dinner gone bad.
“These people lived like this…” I trailed off, unsure whether I was making a statement or asking a question. The condition of the house was well past the benign neglect I had observed throughout other parts of the neighborhood. This home had been abused, a victim of anger and family fights and self-loathing and the sloth of those who didn’t feel they deserved any better.
Ray responded with a shrug and a long sigh. I continued my tour. It was clear that this was once a fine home. There were three rather spacious bedrooms. Large bay windows were throughout (albeit, the glass was opaque with dirt). There was a sizable yard, though at this point it was more of a twisted jungle of tall grass and weeds than any sort of lawn.
One interesting feature was the garage. The house was poised on a fairly steep hill, accessible from the street by some cement stairs. The garage was street level and the two brothers spent a lot of time hanging out in front of it, usually leaving quite a bit of trash there, along with the aforementioned tire collection.
I yanked open a wooden door (not easily, it was stuck) and ventured down the narrow stairwell from the house to the empty garage. The garage itself was empty, save for an old milk crate containing motor oil and brake fluid containers. A large mouse (okay, I think it was a rat) skittered across the dirty, dusty floor.


The house came down over the course of the next week or so.
I visited the site at one point with my kids. We were greeted with mounds of dirt and debris. Ray told me that his contractor had already started hauling everything away and he expected to begin landscaping soon.
The steep hill no longer has any evidence of the former rat trap garage. Instead you will find retaining walls and planters, with annuals and perennials planted throughout. The lot at the crest of the hill is now lush, green grass. There are no more used tires, broken glass, or empty beer cans littering my path when I want to take a walk.





Where there was once ugliness, a little bit of beauty has taken hold.


So my neighborhood is steeped in dichotomy and I am at the tipping point.
Beauty and ugliness.
Ambition and sloth.
Renewal and decay.
I can walk out my door on any given day and go whichever way I choose. I can step east or step west. I can help effect some change, fix what is broken, and repair what is worn out. I can walk with the ambitious or lounge with the slothful.
It’s up to me.

Thursday, June 9, 2016

Fellow Authors: Let's Do Better

I’m right at the tail end of writing my new book, Requiem.
Once it’s done, I will still have work to do. Editing, formatting, producing a cover, etc. It will be available within the next few months (message me or leave a comment should you want to read an excerpt).
Anyway, I’m using the launch of Requiem to effectively reboot my career as an authorpreneur. I’m going to republish my first book and create a new cover. Next, I will fix a formatting issue with my second book (the next few months will be very busy for me).
Going forward, I will start publishing print versions of my ebooks and perhaps dip my toes into the world of audiobooks.
A big part of my reboot initiative is to increase my knowledge of publishing and book marketing. I’m already learning a lot and I’m starting to turn much of that knowledge into action and strategies. I’m also doing a bit more networking with fellow authors. A lot of them have had considerable success and I have much to learn from them.
And then there’s the other, vastly less enjoyable, side of that particular coin.
One of my favorite sources of information is the Facebook page for Amazon Kindle Direct Publishing (KDP). My books are available via Kindle, thus their page is a treasure trove of useful hints, tips, and information.
I perused a few comment threads the other night, in hopes of finding some fellow scribes to network with… unfortunately that didn’t go as well as I had hoped. Said comment threads are little more than heaping piles of spam, generally from authors trying to promote their works. I further noticed, upon looking through a few more threads, that it’s often the same authors each time (and by “each time”, I mean REPEATEDLY OVER AND OVER AND OVER). Really, people… comment spam is not a great marketing strategy. I know it’s free, but the reach is limited and anyone that actually does see your link will likely be annoyed by it, thus unlikely to make a purchase.
The aforementioned comments are generally nothing more than a link to the author’s book on Amazon and not commentary on the article that KDP published. I clicked on a couple of the links out of sheer curiosity.
Oh boy.
One book of the few I looked at was over 100 chapters of two or three not very well-written paragraphs each. The POV and tense changed without rhyme or reason. I caught two spelling errors in the first paragraph. I could go on, but you catch my drift.
Another book I previewed appeared to be at least fairly well done, but the author would personally attack anyone who gave him a less than stellar review.
Need I go on?

There are millions of ebooks available. Apparently a large number of them are not very good. I am not basing that statement on my rather small sample. Many folks complain that they have to wade through big stacks of crap to get to the Kindle gems. There are many who have given up on Kindle books (and other ebook formats) for that very reason.
So I have some goals for my authorpreneur career. Selling a goodly number of books is, of course, a big part of my strategy. Making myself known and heard and seen is a daunting task, one made vastly more difficult by the amount of low-quality books out there. Granted, this may be something of a double-edged sword, as I can more easily distinguish my (presumably) higher quality work and (hopefully) rise above the crowd. However you look at it, it won’t be easy.
I suppose I resent those authors that produce low-quality books. I wonder if writing and publishing is merely a cash grab for them, some sort of vanity play, or (most likely) a little of both? Frankly, I would be embarrassed to put my name on some of those books, just as I would be to market via comment spam.
I don’t think of myself as having especially high standards. I mean, I’m not exactly writing Proust here. My next book is an action-adventure that could just as easily be a Saturday matinee stand up and cheer 3D extravaganza (granted, I do have a couple important themes at hand). In the end, I have tried to write an engaging, entertaining story and write it well. I know it’s not perfect. I know some folks won’t like it. I did do right by my story, my characters, and my potential readers, however. Requiem may not be a nuanced work of literary genius, but I am still proud to put my name on it.

So fellow writers/ scribes/ authorpreneurs I ask you:
  • Can we always push to do a little bit better (myself included)?
  • Can we be more professional?
  • Can we all edit, use spell check, and make sure our grammar is up to par?
  • Can we stop promoting via spam or attack any review that’s less than glowing?
  • Can we write and publish at least up to the standard of books that we already read?

So let’s all do better. Let’s raise the bar and rise above the morass of lousy books and unprofessional behavior. I’m looking to develop an “Authorpreneur Code of Professionalism”… I would love to get some suggestions on that (just send me an email or leave a comment below).

By the way, I did report a few of those commenters for spam, some of them several times (this is what happens when I’m grumpy). I checked the KDP page this morning, and the most recent posts are completely and utterly free of comment spam (*pats self on back*).

Wednesday, May 11, 2016

Happy New Year!

Like most of us, I set goals for the new year*.
It’s something I enjoy doing and I’m good at it as well. I devote a good amount of thought to my goals and put a lot of energy into planning and tracking. I generally do pretty well, achieving about 75% of what I set out to do in a given year.
Two things have occurred, however, to change how I set and plan my goals.
  • ONE: Early in the year I ran into some stumbling blocks. I won’t go into any detail about what occurred (some of you know what I’m talking about), but suffice to say that some significant changes came to pass after a period of upheaval and confusion. I let those circumstances throw me off track and hinder my progress. Once things settled down somewhat I began to reassess more than a few parts of my plan (okay, everything).
  • TWO: If I accept the premise that I’m accomplishing about 75% of my goals, what would happen if I were to set significantly higher goals? Would I still reach that 75% level? There’s only one way to find out...
I ultimately decided to reboot all my goals. The centerpiece is a comprehensive, detailed plan that takes me to the end of of 2017. It’s an ambitious set of objectives. Accomplishing all of them will drastically change my life. Accomplishing even 75% of my 2016_2017 goals will change my life as well, if only to a lesser degree. Just trying, even giving this plan a shot, changes me, in fact it already has to some extent… I have already upped my game in a variety of ways. Just creating this plan and believing I can get it all done was something of a breakthrough itself.
This set of goals is pretty comprehensive. It encompasses my writing career, some (sorely needed) home improvements, and fitness (mental as well as physical).
An important part of this initiative has been setting up systems for all of my goals (in business parlance, SOP or standard operating procedure). Scott Adams, the creator of Dilbert, is a proponent of of systems over goals. Same for one of my favorite writers, James Clear. While I think that Adams’ position is a bit extreme, I do agree agree that systems are of great importance.
My systems help me govern my day-to-day activities and following my standards consistently keep me on track and going in the right direction.
I have setup a tracking component as well. I developed a spreadsheet through which I can track daily activity relative to different goals… that way I will know whether I’m on actually on track or not. I will be able to see where I might be falling behind and make any necessary corrections. It’s important to note that tracking my activity takes mere minutes of time each day.
You may be thinking that all of his was a lot of work. It was, but I know that I am already (one month into a twenty-month plan) solidly on track to reaching some very ambitious goals.
To recap:
  • Set goals, not resolutions*.
  • Create systems designed to get you where you want to go.
  • Track your efforts, so you know where you stand.

*Please note that I set goals, not resolutions. I see goals as having plans and details behind them. Resolutions generally just very broad statements that don’t have any planning to back them up and are frequently abandoned by mid-February (or earlier).

Tuesday, April 12, 2016

Homework: a short story

Justin had everything he needed laid out in front of him.
Geography book.
Notebook.
Pencil.  Actually multiple pencils.  The leads sometimes broke or just as often the pencils rolled away, as if by their own will, to hide under the desk. Justin included colored pencils too, just to make things interesting.
There was, of course, the homework sheet itself.  It was a fill in the blanks sheet all about cartography, otherwise known as map-reading.  Kinda boring, but okay.  Time to focus, Justin thought.  He looked to the left and saw his reading book and underneath that, a math worksheet.  More work.
Focus.
Justin looked at the first part of the worksheet.  He had to label the different parts of maps.  Should be easy.  First were a series of little triangles, all bunched together.
FOCUS.
“Psst,” came a voice from below.
Ignore.  What were the little triangles supposed to be?
Then the voice again.  “Hey Justin.”
Justin looked down to the floor.  It was Rex, Knight of the Realm.  Like usual.  Being an action figure, he stared up at the giant Justin above.  His four inch stature made him no less a warrior...  he had shiny armor and a long silver sword.  Rex had defended Justin's kingdom from many a threat, typically from Lord Tyranno, the Evil Knight, and Tyranno's menagerie of plastic dragons and assorted super villains.
“Justin,” Rex continued. “I really need your help.”
Justin put down his pencil. “Rex, I really need to do my homework.  Okay?”
“But Justin, Lord Tyranno is planning an attack.  Tonight.”
Justin sighed and picked his pencil up.  He began tapping it slowly on the desk.  Tap.  Tap.  Tap.
Rex spread his arms pleadingly. “We need you.”
Tap tap tap tap tap.
Justin had an idea.
“What do you need me to do?” he asked Rex.
“Fight with us,” Rex replied, raising his sword to the ceiling.
“Maybe,” Justin said, “Just maybe I could help you plan your attack.”
“Really?”  Rex lowered his sword.  This wasn't what he expected. “How do you mean?”
“I could make you a map,” Justin offered.
“A map?”  Rex considered the idea for a moment.  “I like that,” he said.
Justin smiled.  “Okay, so give me a minute.  I'm learning all about map making.”
Rex took a step back and waited, as patiently as any knight ready for battle could.  Fortunately, Justin finished his worksheet in mere minutes.  Rex saw him put the sheet aside.
“Are we ready?” Rex said eagerly.
Justin looked at his reading assignment.  He was to read the short tale of a young boy, a squire to a heroic knight in medieval times, and answer a few questions about the story.
“I think this might help too,” Justin said. “I can learn all about knights and swords and jousting.”
Rex nodded. “Sounds like my kind of story,” the tiny warrior said.
Justin read through the story, about how the boy inspired the knight to victory over a much stronger foe.  He was almost done with the questions when he heard a voice from the living room.
“Justin?”
“Yeah?”
“How are you doing on homework?”
“Almost done, mama,” Justin said.
Rex stiffened.  “W- was that--”  he stammered, “was that the Queen?”
Justin smiled. “Yes,” he said.  “That was the Queen.”
Rex dropped to one knee and held his sword in front of him. “I am at your service, my Queen.”
“I don't think she can hear you,” Justin said.
Rex stood. “We must defend her kingdom,” he said.
“I know,” Justin said.  He thought for a second.  “I have a duty to the Queen too, you know.”
“You do?”
“Of course,” Justin said.  “My duty...”  He thought for a second.  “My duty is to be the best kid I can for her.  Do my homework, clean my room, all that stuff.”
Rex nodded slowly.
“Do you understand, Rex?”
The tiny warrior bowed.  “I do, sir.  A Prince's first duty is always to his Queen.”
“I just have to do my math.  So keep an eye out for Lord Tyranno until I'm done.”
“I shall.”  Rex turned and began scanning the horizon (in this case, the toy chest next to Justin's closet) for approaching villainy.
Justin finished his math worksheet just a few minutes later, far more quickly than he thought he would.
“Mama,”  Justin shouted, “I'm done!”
Justin's mom entered his room and stood behind him.  She gave his shoulder a quick squeeze.
“Math and everything?”  she said.
“Math and everything,” Justin replied.
She stooped down and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek.
“You're the best kid ever,”  she said.  “You know that?”
“I know,” Justin said with a giggle.  “Can I play now?”
“Just for a little bit,”  she said.  “Then it's time for your shower and bed.  Okay?”
“Mama?”  Justin said as she exited his room.
“Yeah, honey?”
“I love you.”
A bright smile spread across her face.  “I love you too,”  she said.
Justin went for his foam sword as soon as his mother stepped out of the room.  He kept it next to his desk, so he would always be ready to do battle.  He hefted it, and suddenly it became gleaming silver, forged by the finest blacksmith in the land.
“Rex,” Justin cried out, “I'm ready!”
Justin heard a voice from the far corner of his room.  It was Rex, of course.
“I need your help, Justin,” the knight said.  “Lord Tyranno has locked me in his dungeon!”
“I'm on my way!”  Justin cried out as he charged forward.
So Justin managed to rescue Rex and the two of them fought the good fight against the nefarious Lord Tyranno.  Just until bedtime, of course.
THE END

Wednesday, April 6, 2016

How to Cope With Depression and Anxiety

I have suffered from depression and anxiety since my early teen years.
There are those times when I can keep my personal demons in check. I will feel pretty decent and I am able to move forward with life. There are other times that it is a little (or a lot) (or a whole lot) harder to cope. Sometimes the challenges and hardships will come at me fast and furious. Sometimes I trip and fall into a well of negative thoughts, regret, and fear about the future, and it takes everything I have to scramble on out of there.
You might have some of the same challenges. So what do you do? What do you do when the hole is deep, the day is long, and it takes all you have to just keep standing?
Let me help:
Move: Exercise has frequently been called “nature’s happy drug”. When you exercise (and I have found this to be true even when I do a quick yoga routine) your body releases endorphins, the source of that exercise rush that many experience. Exercise also gives you a feeling of control over your life and yourself, along with the more obvious benefits that a sustained exercise program can bring.
It almost doesn’t matter what you choose to do to get fit… from the aforementioned yoga, to weights, martial arts, running, or even walking. Just get moving. Move enough and your personal demons may not be able to catch up!
Meditate: Meditation can be many things, but to me it is ultimately about clearing out your mind and emotions to make room for more positive thoughts and feelings. Meditation doesn’t have to be sitting in a lotus position for an hour, surrounded by fragrant candles, and chanting one’s mantra. It can be as simple as laying quietly and calmly in bed, trying to relax, and clearing your mind of the emotional and cognitive detritus of the day. I have found that being “goal-oriented” about meditating (“I must meditate today!”) will not serve you well. Just relax, let it happen, and try again another day if you struggle to clear your mind. Don’t give up and keep trying. I promise that it will be worth it in the end.
Mindfulness: Being mindful of the present moment can help get you out of a depressive funk or steer you away from an anxiety attack. Does it sound a bit counter-intuitive to take a deep dive into an unpleasant moment? Not necessarily. Here’s how it works:
  1. Take notice of the input from all your senses. People often favor one sense over another, so give special attention to, say, the sounds around you if you’re more of a visual person.
  2. Focus only on what’s happening at that moment. Think of it as effectively stopping or slowing time (Neo dodging bullets in The Matrix would be a decent reference point here). Take it all in.
One of the reasons this works is that anxiety is typically about fear of what the future may bring and depression is often about regrets and the past. Being fully and firmly in the present moment goes along way towards pulling you out of that dark whirlpool of emotion.
Breathe: I occasionally have anxiety attacks. Mine typically aren’t as severe as those others experience, but an attack can still ruin my day and make me feel exhausted. One tactic that I have tried is to become conscious of and regulate my breathing. Doing so will calm me down to the point that I can take other steps (see CBT, below) that will help me get back into a calmer state. Here’s what works for me:
  1. Become aware of your breathing (shortness of breath is one of the hallmarks of an anxiety attack).
  2. Start trying to take deeper breaths. This usually takes a number of tries.
  3. Once you have some semblance of control over your breathing, try for slower, patterned breathing. 5-5-5 works for me. I breath in to the count of five, hold for the count of five, then breath out for the the count of five.
Think: I learned about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) years ago and have practiced it ever since. Essentially, CBT is the art and science of rational and positive thinking in the face of negativity and adversity.
Here’s an example:
You get word that your job is about to be eliminated. Your first thought could be, “my boss thinks I’m terrible at my work”. This is a thought distortion known as “mind reading”.  You could respond to that negative thought like this:
My boss has never had a complaint about my work before, so there’s no reason to think any different now. The company is struggling right now, so it’s obvious that this is a financial decision.
Then you might think, “oh no, I’ll never find another job. I’ll go broke”. Here we have the distortion known as fortune-telling. Now take that thinking error and really examine it:
While there might be a month or two that I’m out of work, I will be getting unemployment so at least I won’t starve. Being out of work for a period of time could actually be a good thing in the end. I will be able to work on cleaning up the basement, plus I can get caught up on reading. Best of all, I have a chance to find a better job!
Humor: A good chuckle or two can keep your depression at bay (a hearty guffaw is even better!). Find some funny memes on Facebook, a favorite comedy movie, or tell someone a few terrible “dad jokes” (a personal favorite of mine).
Reach out: It’s hugely helpful to talk to an understanding person. You certainly don’t want advice along the lines of “just suck it up” or “have you tried thinking positive?”... that’s what you get from folks who truly don’t understand what you’re going through.  Often it’s enough to have someone to talk to who will merely listen, who won’t judge or condescend to you.
Do something: The best way to manage one’s bouts with depression and anxiety (to my mind, anyway) is to do something. Anything. Set a small goal:
  • Go for a walk.
  • Do your dishes.
  • Make your bed.
  • Read a chapter in that new book of yours.
  • Finish your to-do list for the day.
Then move on to a slightly bigger goal (or goals):
  • Go for a walk every day for a week.
  • Finish that book.
  • Do a thorough house-cleaning.
  • Finish your goal list for the week.
It almost doesn’t matter what you pick to accomplish… the point is to get some sense of achievement. Build on those goals and then you can build on that feeling of accomplishment, which will build your confidence and help you reach even bigger goals.
You might also want to throw yourself into a hobby, skill, or charitable pursuit. I fancy myself a writer (evidence being this blog and two published books). Writing, even a little, helps me considerably. Your interests may be quite different than mine… perhaps you’re into art, sports, poetry, home improvement, gardening, or any of a myriad other things. The point is to do something (or perhaps a few somethings) that makes you happy and maybe even stirs your soul. Please note the very deliberate emphasis on the word you. It’s critical that you indulge in something that you enjoy. You need to express your own desires and do something that you happy… not what pleases someone else. Anxiety and depression often come from the stress of unrealized goals and unexpressed desires.
You may not be able to conquer your depression and anxiety, but you can learn to manage it. You can control it, so it no longer controls you and your life!