Gauntlet

You have a destination in mind.  We all do.  Trouble is, it’s on the other side of fear, just a step or two outside your comfort zone.  You know you deserve to get there.  You have no doubt getting there will change your life completely.

So you step forward.  You see what’s between where you are now and this Valhalla of yours.  And you step back.  You take a deep breath and close your eyes.  You’ve seen you’ll have to brave a gauntlet of fear and opposition.  You step forward.

Your fear takes a swing.  You dodge the first blow, but your fear strikes you in the gut, taking your breath away.  It’s poised to strike again, but you block and strike back, knocking fear to its knees.  You kick forward, knocking fear onto its back.  Down and out.

So you move on.

Suddenly you are faced with an abyss.  So very far across, and so deep that you can’t see the bottom for all the darkness.  

“I can’t make that leap,” you say to yourself, “I just can’t.”

But you know you have to.  You take a step back, then another and another.  Your strategy is to make running start at it and leap.  

You hear a voice from behind you: “Don’t even it try it.”

You close your eyes and sigh.  A voice from your past, one that you’ve heard seemingly infinite times before.

The voice again: “Don’t even try it.  You’ll fall into the abyss.  You’ll die.”

Your legs suddenly feel a bit weaker.  Your breath, shallower.  You bend over, hands to your knees, and try to shut out the voice.

Again.  More insistent. “You’ll die.”

You fully stand and half turn to address the voice.

“Go to hell,” you say.

You break into a dead run.  You leap for all you’re worth at the edge of the abyss.  You reach the apex of your jump and start to fall.

You’re not going to make it.

You stretch forward with everything you’re worth.  You crash into the other side of the abyss.  The impact pushes the breath out of your body… but you made it.  You hold on and manage, barely, to pull yourself up.  You take in great gulps of air and stand.

You’ve only just caught your breath when a strong, sinewy arm comes from somewhere behind you and wraps around your neck.  You try to pull the arm away, but you barely have any strength left.

Everything is going gray. You’re starting to fade.

You start seeing visions.  You wonder if this your life flashing before your eyes, as these visions are as vivid as life itself.

You see the teacher who told you that you’d never amount to anything.

You see the kids who taunted you everyday, just because you were smaller and different.

You see the former lover who told you what a disappointment you are.

Then the visions shift...

You see your friend, down and out, who needs your example to prove he can rise up himself.

You see your future love take your hand and not let go.

You see your child, the one who so desperately needs a hero.

You are suddenly possessed with enormous strength.  You twist the arm off your neck and throw your assailant to the ground.  You look down.

It’s your own face you see.

You face one another, standing toe-to-toe.

“Why?” you say. “Why would you try to stop me?’

“I’m trying to protect you,” comes the reply.

“Protect me?”  You shake your head.  “From what?”

“From what lies ahead.”

You turn and see a mountain before you.  It’s rocky, yes, but not too steep.  You know you can handle the climb.  You know that your destination is just on the other side.

“I’m fine,” you say.  “I got this.”

Your other makes a furtive grab for your arm.  You pull away.

“Let me make something clear to you,” you say, leaning forward. “Do not try to stop me.  If you try, you will fail. Do we understand one another?”

There is no reply.  Your other steps back and you make your way to the mountain.

The climb was vastly harder than you thought, but still, you made it.  You pause at the summit, looking down at what lies ahead.  

You passed the gauntlet.

You climbed the hill.

The country ahead has beauty aplenty… a lush forest is not too far away, edged by a smooth, clear lake.   There are perils as well… a murky swamp to pass through and a raging river to brave, but no matter.  This undiscovered country is your destination and your land to conquer.

You smile ever so slightly and begin your descent down the other side of the mountain.

A Letter To My Young Friend

A Letter To My Young Friend

Hello my friend,

I’m glad we got to chat for awhile recently.  It’s been too long, of course, and it’s too bad we don’t have the opportunity to talk in person like we once did.  Such is life, I suppose; but I know we’ll remain in touch.  Remember that I’m always here for any sort of advice and encouragement you might need.

I hope what I said made sense to you.  I’ve seen too many people (yeah, myself included) remain in a state of indecision for so long it becomes a comfort zone of sorts.  It’s easy to become paralyzed by a big, life-changing choice; to stay at the fork in the road and never go left or right.  That comfort zone of indecision will get smaller and smaller over time and eventually will become as restrictive as a straightjacket.  Not taking that fork in the road will eventually lead to wandering in the woods when the path becomes overgrown.  You will most assuredly become lost if you don’t.   

The key is to do something, anything.  It almost doesn’t matter what.  Hopefully things will go great.  You’ll move forward with your life and get all the success you want and deserve.  Even if what you choose doesn’t turn out as well as you had hoped, you’ve merely found out something that doesn’t work.  I know you’re smart enough to learn from that and can move on from there.

Ultimately that alternative of indecision is a waste of time and potential… given that you have a lot in terms of brains, talent and ideas to offer the world, I hope you’ll do what you can to keep moving ever forward.

There’s something I didn’t tell you when we chatted, something that I think is important.

I found out, just a few days before, that another young friend of mine had passed away.  He was a lot like you in many ways:  he was smart, ambitious and had an amazing future ahead of him.

I processed quite a few emotions in the days after I learned of his passing.  Grief was certainly a big one, and I suspect that will remain and will pop up on its own accord from time-to-time.  That’s certainly to be expected.  

I found myself thinking an awful lot about the loss of potential.  This led me down a path where I had to be brutally honest with myself and realize that I haven’t exactly been true to the potential I have (I think you know that).  

I started considering the legacy I want to leave one day.  Hint: it’s not boxes full of unfulfilled dreams, lists of unrealized goals and lifetime’s worth of wasted potential.  I also realized that one’s legacy is not just something one leaves upon their passing.  You leave a legacy each day in you do with it… you leave a legacy with everyone you interact with.  But I digress.

I began to inventory time wasted and chances not taken.

I realized the most obvious thing in the world… that yes, I need to take more chances and not be afraid to fail.

And, in a very small way, I did just that.

There’s this woman I know.  You would like her if you got to meet her.  She’s smart and nice and really funny.  She’s also beautiful, but not in a “look at me I’m such a hottie” type way.  She just is.  So naturally, I developed something of a schoolboy crush on her.  It had been a little while since I had anything resembling a crush on anyone, so my feelings took me by surprise.  

Anyway, I finally took a chance and said something to her.  

While she confessed to having had similar feelings for me from time-to-time, for whatever reason or reasons she didn’t want to start dating.  She felt bad about it, in that she thought she hurt my feelings.  While I was a little disappointed things didn’t go my way, I did let her know I was more than fine with how things played out.

The important thing is I manned up and said something, rather than remaining in those murky waters of inaction and indecision.  Even though our conversation didn’t go the way I wanted, nothing bad happened… so the next time I see someone I want to meet I’ll be far more likely to speak up, rather than remain silent and wonder if I should post something in the “missed connections” section on Craig’s List.  Bonus: learning that this really cool, beautiful woman ever had crushy feelings my way, something I never would have known had I not spoken up.  

So in the end, just take some action.  Don’t get too hung up about whether you’ll succeed or fail.  I know I’m far from the first person to say this, but it stands true now as it always has: not taking action and not making a decision ensures you’ll fail.  Don’t be one of those people who is forever in the shadow of what could have been.  Don’t be afraid to be uncomfortable and maybe even a little scared at times… that’s how you know you’re truly alive and nothing is greater than that.

Now go and make it happen.

Take care,

Jim

Happy New Year!

I just finished developing my 2014 goals and plans.  All I have to say is that it’s going to be a great year.

I’ve noticed in the past that I generally accomplish around 75% of the annual goals I set.  Even if I hit 50% of what I’m shooting for, 2014 will represent a breakthrough year for me.  I can’t wait.

As for 2013, it had its charms, but it wasn’t always terribly kind to me (nor was I to it).  Time to put 2013 in my rear-view mirror.  I know many of you are thinking the same thing.

Therefore I have decided to start 2014 now, rather than on the traditional January 1st.  I’ve given myself a fresh start right now, plus an almost two-month jump on what will certainly be a fun and exciting year of growth.

You can do this too.  Don’t wait for some arbitrary new beginning.  Set your goals, make those plans, hit the ground running and go get it.

Starting Small

So in our last episode, I had a conversation with an old friend.  

I suggested to him that it almost doesn't matter where he begins his quest to get his life back on track.  Just start somewhere, anywhere, and GO.  Start building momentum before too much inertia sets in.  Believe me, I know… the longer you wait, the harder it gets to push forward.  I also pointed out that things will likely get worse for him if he doesn't step up and take some action now.

He didn't disagree, but still didn't where to begin.  I suggested he start small and build from there.  We worked out a plan and so far (weeks later) it seems to be going pretty well for him.

Here’s what I suggested:

1. Get some kind of notebook.  I suggested a small memo pad so he could carry it around with him.
2. Create a daily to do list.  Nothing big, just a few items you want to get done and don’t want to forget. Shoot for five to ten items a day.  Check them off when completed… doing so gives you that little feeling of accomplishment you need right now.
3. After having worked with daily to dos for a week or so, create a list of weekly goals... just two or three, remember, we’re starting small here.  Goals are bigger than individual tasks.  Take your weekly goals, break them down into daily goals and create your to do list from there. Easy example: you have a weekly goal of thoroughly cleaning and organizing your kitchen. Day one, clean out that messy cabinet under the sink (you know the one I mean, I have one too).  Day two: tackle that junk drawer (again, me too).  I bet you don’t need half that stuff you've been hoarding.

Now you've gotten a few things done.  You might actually have a sense of pride and accomplishment.  What now?  

Easy.  Keep thinking bigger, which will lead to doing bigger.  

Tackle a bigger project, one that will require more resources, more planning and more time.  Got that kitchen organized?  Now tackle the whole house.  Use the same strategy of breaking that beast down into bite-sized chunks.  Plan it, gather what you need and go for it.

You needed a few wins and now you have them.  You have momentum. Keep it going.  Keep shooting for bigger wins and above all, keep moving forward.

Do Something

I got a call from an old friend a couple weeks ago.  While we probably don’t talk as often as we should, we always seem to be able to pick up right where we left off.  Something was different about this conversation, though. He seemed a little down, which was uncharacteristic of his usual upbeat demeanor.  Finally I called him on it.

“So what’s going on?” I said.

He paused for a moment, then, “Nothing, really.”

“Nothing, really?”  I paused. “Don’t bullshit me, man.  I've known you for twenty-five years.”

He let out a long sigh, then started telling me what was really going on.

He was considering leaving his job of fifteen years.  He said he could handle the unsatisfying drudgery (and had for years), but now he had a supervisor, who from the sound of it, was pretty much a textbook sociopath.  His relationship had degenerated into constant arguments and backbiting.
Etc.

Etc.

“I just go home and drink beer and watch TV,” he said.  Then after a pause: “I’m starting to hate my life.”

His words hung there for a moment.  I know there was a subtext of help me out here, buddy.

I’ve fallen into similar funks myself and the way out of it always comes down to this:

Take action.

Do something.

Do anything.  It almost doesn't matter what.

The point is to take action and show this gray mood who’s boss.  You take control of a little piece of your life.  You feel like you've accomplished something.  In the battle of your day, you've secured a beachhead from the enemy, even if it’s a little one.

The key is to keep going, gain momentum and take back more territory from your enemy.  Make sure you get a win (even a little) everyday.  Soon the wins will get bigger and start to build on one another.
That, my friends, is how you start to turn things around.

Next time, I’ll get into a more detail on what I suggested to my friend.

I Have No Voice And I Must Write

I’m a writer.

My passion is to write top-notch fiction and nonfiction and inspire others through that.  I have no doubt that I’ll make my mark as a writer… yes, I’ve made some good progress in that regard, but I still have a long way to go.  I’ve worked out a very detailed five-year plan, with interim goals all along the way.  Many of those goals involve publication… given that I am self-published, it’s all up to me.  I’m not dependent on the vagaries and whims of Random House or Simon and Schuster.  Simply, I write the book, edit, format, create the cover and upload to Amazon.  Simple as that.  Yes, I do have plans to do both print and audio books in the not too distant future, but that is neither here or now.

I really dig the idea of controlling my own destiny, but there are pitfalls… one of them is the ongoing challenge of marketing.  Fortunately, my full-time job is in the wonderful world of digital marketing, so I have something of an advantage there.

The other hazard is that my future as a writer is, obviously, dependent on the quantity and quality of my output.  I have confidence in the quality of my work, but I struggle with quantity at times, especially recently.

Yes, it’s true.  I lost my voice.  I had the dreaded writer’s block, the enemy of authorial aspirations, the killer of literary dreams throughout history. Not being one to curl up into a ball and give up, I decided enough was enough.  Time to fight this thing.

One of my favorite writers is the acerbic genius Harlan Ellison.  He is probably best known as the writer of most people’s favorite classic Star Trek episode, “City On the Edge of Forever”.  You know, the one where McCoy goes back in time and… well, if you haven’t seen it, I don’t want to spoil it for you.  But it’s awesome (I also highly recommend his story “Jeffty is Five”)..

Anyway, Ellison is an incredibly prolific author.  His output over the years rivals that of many small publishing houses.  He published a story in 1967 entitled “I Have No Mouth and I Must Scream”.  The title resonated with me somewhat in my writer’s block addled state.  Somewhat.  I fiddled with the wording a bit and came up with the title of this little missive… “I Have No Voice and I Must Write”.  Perfect.  
I really felt as if I had lost my writing voice.  Where words once tumbled out of me faster than I could commit them to paper, I had gotten to the point where I could hardly scratch out a decent paragraph.

Ugh.

I suppose there were a variety of reasons this happened, all of them conspiring to bring my literary output to a crashing halt.  Ultimately, none of them mattered.  In the end, I chose to let them crush my momentum.  Now it was up to me to get back up to speed.

I’ll be honest, I spun my wheels for a little while.  There was a start and stop project or two (I promise to get back to you, love story with a twist ending), the odd blog post here and there, but still, I struggled.
So I had an epiphany one night.  Actually, a few epiphanies (if you’re guessing I didn’t sleep well that night, you would be correct).  I came up with a plan and did a little attitude adjustment for good measure.

THE PLAN

PROJECT: Just Write Something, You Pansy!!

I vowed to not let a day pass that I didn’t write something.  Anything.  It’s actually pretty easy when you think about it.  Here’s how it goes:

You write (or in my case, type) just one word.  Like this:

The

See how easy that is?  Now go for two words:

quick brown

Got it?  Now for the main event… finish that sentence:

fox jumped over the lazy dog.

Look at you… you just wrote an entire sentence, you stud (or studette, as the case may be).  Nobody said it had to be original or even good.  It just had to be words.  More to the point, you just chose to write, rather than be in the thrall of the word-sucking demon known as writer’s block.  Go you!  Take a moment and pat yourself on the back.  You’ve earned it.

Keep doing that, every single day, and you’ll soon be well on your way to actually writing all the time.

Now that you’ve pretty much made writer’s block your bitch, it’s time for the good stuff.  Let’s alter your attitude a bit.

THE ATTITUDE, PART I

PROJECT: Dammit, Jim, I’m a Writer, Not  An Editor.

My problem was that I kept judging each and every sentence, word, punctuation mark and letter I wrote, as I wrote them.  Yes, one wants to put out quality work, but one has to actually have output to judge, right?  There is a time for that… it’s called the revision stage.  I put the editor part of my brain on hold and just spilled out as many words as I could.  Upon going back to edit later, I was met with a pleasant surprise: I did a pretty good job.  Granted, I had to do some tweaking here and there, but I was overall pretty pleased with myself.
So guess what?  Being human, I’m not perfect, nor is my writing.  And that’s okay.  Part of my full-time job is to be an editor, so I have that covered pretty well.

THE ATTITUDE, PART II

PROJECT: Why?

I write for a lot of reasons,  I won’t bore you people with the full list as it is lengthy, but I had to remind myself of my litany of whys.  I write to have a brighter future.  I write to inspire others.  I write for therapy (yes, writing can be most therapeutic).  Etc. Etc.

This past weekend, someone I’ve known all my life shared that he felt “worthless”.  That cut me right to the core.  Part of the reason I write is, as above, to inspire others.  If I can keep one person from feeling that way, I have succeeded.  

I know I don’t have all the answers when it comes to beating writer’s block.  This is just what has worked for me.  The point is that I proved I can beat it and I can beat it again if necessary.

And guess what?  So can you.

Slumps, Ruts and Cycles

Sometimes the universe gives you a nudge.  Sometimes the universe grabs you by the shoulders, shakes you and says “Pay attention to me!!  I’m trying to make a point here!!”.

I recently was pulled into a conversation with someone about how a mutual friend has fallen into something of a slump.  This sort of thing has happened with before with this person and they seem to break out of it within a few weeks. I was relieved, because I have seen many times where what is originally more of a cyclical slump becomes longer term if not permanent.

I see cycles all around.  The economy is a good example, of course.  I personally tend to cycle up and down with regards to my creativity.  The effects of cycles, both up and down, are particularly apparent and pronounced when it comes to those in the sales profession.  A salesperson can be going great guns one month (the feast), and barely getting by the next (that would be the famine).

There’s always a danger of letting a cyclical slump gain a foothold and become long-term or even permanent.  I’ve seen it happen and I’m not afraid to say I’ve let it happen myself.  Something’s off... your sales are down, creative output is diminished, that job opportunity evaporates... and your attitude might suffer (even temporarily), thus affecting other spheres of life.  You then have an effect of one domino knocking over another, until a new set of problems arise.  While you might be able to rise out of that down cycle/ slump/ rut/ call it what you will there is often collateral damage along the way.  Many don’t understand that isn’t a permanent situation and will back away.  Sad but true.  That happened to me not so long ago, but I have bounced back in a spectacular fashion.   

Be consistent with the important things

When you fall into a slump it’s easy to let things slide.  You feel a little down and it’s harder than normal to give your best effort.  That’s exactly the worst thing to do.  You have to, at minimum, put forth at least your normal effort... otherwise things can really begin a rapid downhill slide.  Your best bet is to put forth even more than your normal effort.  That may be what’s required to break that slump and to keep that slump from turning into something longer-term (what is often referred to as a rut).

Change your routine with the little things

Sometimes what you need is a break or change in your routine.  Doing so can help get your head into a slightly different place and perhaps cause you to view yourself and your situation from a slightly different angle. I’m not talking about major changes here...

• Take a different route to (or from) work.
• Listen to a band you’ve never heard before.
• Shop at a different grocery store.
• Go somewhere different for lunch.
• Check out a random book from the library and give it a read.
• Etc.

You get the idea.  The point is to get you out of your stressed out/ bummed out headpsace and thinking differently.  Every little bit helps.

Watch out for the domino effect

So that great job prospect evaporated.  That sale your were counting on didn’t come to pass. Such is life.  It becomes very easy to let other things slide.  You quit that exercise program.  You start drinking again.  Others may want to spend less time with you, since you seem so down.  Etc. Etc.  

Draw a line in the sand.  Don’t let what’s happening seep into other spheres of your life.

Check your attitude and control your emotions

It’s easy to get sucked down into a whirlpool of negative emotions when a slump starts to take hold.  You may get angry at yourself or others.  You could get more and more depressed.  As above, draw a line and take control.  Be conscious of your emotions and how they are affecting you.

Get support

Just as there are people who will back away and even abandon you when you hit a down cycle, there are those who will stand by your side no matter what happens.  While you can’t expect someone else to solve your problems for you, there’s a lot to be said for just talking it out.  You might find that others have been there too and have come out of it.  You’ll soon realize that you will too... if one person can rise up, you can as well.

Exercise

One of the best things you can do for yourself when you hit a slump is to workout.  This is true for a couple reasons.  For one thing, working out (especially when you don’t feel like it) shows mastery of yourself and this sends a definitive signal to the rest of your psyche that you are in charge.  You are in control.  You are empowered.  That is exactly what you need.

Exercise also releases endorphins, often referred to as “nature’s happy drug”.  The onset of a slump often results in at least a low-level depression and a dose of endorphins will help stave that off.  I’ve come to realize that there is a strong mind-body connection, one that goes both ways.  A few good workouts can help break a negative emotional cycle (best of all, you might find that you actually like it).  

Understand that I’m not necessarily suggesting you take up CrossFit or tackle P90X (though if you’re so inclined, more power to you).  A walk around the block can work wonders.  Perhaps some yoga as well.  You might even want to try this...

http://www.7-min.com/

Momentum: hold on to it for dear life

You made that sale. You got the job.  You finally finished a short story you’ve been working on.  Whatever the case, you know have a strong foothold in getting out of that hole.  Take full advantage of that momentum and energy.  Vault right out of that hole you’ve created for yourself and back where you know you should be.

When an airplane takes off the pilot has to go full throttle.  Once the plane is at a cruising altitude, the pilot can ease back on the throttle and cruise.  Conquering that slump is a lot like that.  It will take a lot of energy, effort and courage at first, but you will reach your own cruising altitude soon enough.
I’ve done it and I’ve seen others do it too.  Now it’s your turn.

Here’s some links with more helpful ideas...

http://www.wikihow.com/Get-out-of-a-Rut

http://www.wikihow.com/Get-Out-of-a-Slump

http://www.wikihow.com/Exude,-Escape,-or-Enact-an-Existential-Crisis